Animals, Animals, Animals!
by EE's Skysong
Summary: The Xmen have strange and random encounters with escapee animals. Insanity ensues. Lotta e words there. R&R!


Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men or the skunk song.

(An: This was a wierd little idea that came to me while I was listening to these little kids sing the mentioned song. It struck me as vair vair funny and from that, this was born. For simplicity reasons, say Remy's on the X-men, hmm?)

Scott hummed to himself as he walked into the garage, twirling his keys.

He walked over to his car, patting it. "Hello, Betty," he said to it.

Then he noticed the horrible stink rising from the back. "..Eeeew, what's that smell?"

There was a creak as the trunk opened. A spotlight fixed on it and a skunk stepped out. It began to sing. "I'm a skunk, I'm in your trunk, I'm stinkin' up your automobile! Ooh," he pulled his arms in, "let it stink! I'm a skunk, I can put you in a coma, just with my aroma! Ooh, yeah, let it stink!" He jumped on the hood of the car and began to breakdance, repeating the song over and over.

Scott screamed and curled up in the fetal position, muttering, "Betty, why have you betrayed me?!"

Elsewhere in the Institute...

Logan walked into the kitchen. Sitting at the table was Remy, twitching and making soft moaning sounds. "What's the matter with you, Gumbo?" He opened the fridge, reaching in for a beer, and stopped short. "Is that a penguin?!" Remy ran out of the room screaming.

The penguin hopped out of the fridge and sat down at the table. From its feathers, it took out out a bag of marshmallows and a hamster.

Logan sat down across from them.

The hamster took a marshmallow and stuffed it in it's mouth. It was a **large** marshmallow.

Not one to be outdone, Logan took one as well.

They went on in this fashion for a few minutes, until neither Logan nor the hamster could breath. Both collapsed.

Ororo came in and gasped when she saw Logan, who was twitching and gagging on the floor.

She quickly adminstered CPR to him.

Logan spat out a mouthful of marshmallows. He gasped for air.

The hamster squeaked pitifully.

"Logan, what happened?!" asked Ororo.

The penguin squawked and jumped on the hamster. It too spat out some marshmallows and both jumped on the table.

Ororo blinked. "Is that... a penguin?"

Logan glanced over at it. "Why, yes, I believe it is." He stood up, brushed himself off, grabbed a beer, and walked out.

The penguin blinked demurely at 'Ro. He then swept the half-empty bag of marshmallows and the hamster into his feathers. He walked- er, waddled, out, laughing in an evil evil penguiny way.

Ororo blinked again and headed for her greenhouse. "Maybe if I ignore it, it'll just all go away," she whispered to herself.

However, 'Ro couldn't find peace even in her happy place.

She was shocked to discover two large brazillian boas twining around a large plant and loudly singing a Spanish love song. Boas are not good singers.

The sound of her hitting the ground was lost in the snakes' singing.

Still Elsewhere in Mutant Manor...

Kurt had a problem. It had manifested itself in the shape of a large bird.

In other words, an emu was sitting on his bed. It had layed several eggs on his pillow and was now sitting on them, crooning softly.

Every time Kurt tried to move, the emu would let out a loud and threatening squawk.

Where was everyone's favorite elf sitting?

Why, beneath the bird of course.

Somewhere Else in the School for the Gifted...

Xavier couldn't move either.

Why?

There was a large orangutan sitting in his wheelchair, a silverback gorilla in his bed, a chimpanzee sitting behind his desk and doing an eerily good imitation of him, not to mention the marmoset that was attempting to groom his poor bald head.

A tic was going under his left eye.

Hank walked in, holding a large pair of garden shears. "There's an elephant and a giraffe in the topiary gar....den.." Hank blinked, and in that instant was tackled by the gorilla, who saw him as a threat, and the marmoset, who saw him as food (well, better food than Xavier, anyway..). "Mother," whispered Hank.

Some Other Place in the X Mansion...

Rogue walked into Remy's room. "Hey, Remy, Ah..." She trailed off, seeing Remy curled up in the corner, twitching. "What's up with ya?"

Remy turned to look at her, his demonic eyes unblinking. He raised a trembling finger and pointed at the bed.

A large penguin and a hamster were tapdancing on the bed. The penguin waved at Rogue and the hamster smiled a hamstery smile.

Rogue walked out, muttering, "Ah'm **not** goin' to ask.."

The Garage... (We'll just go with the actual names of the places, since I can't think of anymore amusing names and pronouns, shall we?)

Jean walked into the garage looking utterly confused. She was holding one of those Downy balls. "Hey, Scott, I forgot how to open this thingy again..." She stopped short, seeing the still prone Scott and the still breakdancing skunk. "This is Magneto's doing!" she cried, sticking her finger in the air.

She levitated herself off, intending to give mean old Magsy a good telling off. Maybe even a spanking! (Ah! Bad image, baaad image!!!)

A Few Minutes Later, the Acolyte Base...

Jean landed in the amazingly easy to find and get to Acolyte base. It's kind of hard to miss a freakin' big warehouse made outta metal, don't you think?

She knocked on the door, and was insulted when there was no answer. She growled and used her TK to move out the door.

She stormed into Magneto's office, which, yes, was just as obvious as the rest of Magsies base and yes, was unlocked. On her way there, she noticed Pyro frolicing with a kangaroo, a wombat, and a koala.

She discovered that she didn't have to do anything though. Mags was curled up on his desk, clutching a battered teddy bear as though it were his last hope for sanity.

Munching calmly on his potted Aspidestras was a large rodent known as a Capybara. Capybaras are harmless and cute, but for some reason it terrified Mags.

"Aww, aren't you just so cute," cooed Jean, scratching the capybara on its fuzzy back. The capybara sniffed her, decided she was too stupid to eat, and went back to the aspidestra. Jean was miffed by this.

Jean remembered Mags and promptly forgot all about it. Thank goodness for five-second attention spans!

Mags saw her and sprang off his desk with an agility you wouldn't expect from such an old man. He grabbed Jean by the shoulders, shaking her. This rattled her poor peanut sized brain, which did not like it at all. "It ate the whole salad bar! **The whole salad bar,** do you hear me?! Do you know how much that COSTS?!" He screamed and collapsed, twitching.

Jean blinked, and, once again, promptly forgot all about it. She looked at the Downy ball she was still clutching. "I'd better ask Scott how to open this."

The Garage...

Jean walked into the garage looking utterly confused. "Hey, Scott, I forgot how to open this thingy again.."

Kitty's Room...

Kitty was sitting on her bed, gossiping with Jubilee, and Amara, when there was a loud crack from her balcony. Sitting on the floor was a tiger. A large one. It meowed dazedly.

The girls looked at each other, their faces lit up. They pounced on the tiger.

A Half Hour Later...

The tiger meowed, piteously this time. It was covered in fluffy ribbons and bows. Its regal striped fur had been combed, curled, and blow dried. Its teeth had been straightened and whitened. It was **not** a happy tiger.

The girls giggled in pleasure, giving other high fives and smiling evilly.

The Forest...

Sam was walking through the forest, happy and blissfully ignorant, when he was tackled by a russet red wolf. She howled in conquest.

A group of grey timber wolves melted out of the trees and howled with her.

"Momma..." whispered Sam as the wolves dragged him off.

The Danger Room...

A few of the New Recruits (Bobby, Tabs, Jamie, Ray, and Rob, to be exact) had just defeated a training sim when there was a loud crash. A pride of lions landed in front of them and roared.

"I think we're in for some extra credit.." said Bobby and ran off, the others following and the lions in hot pursuit.

Another Half Hour Later...

The Newbies stumbled out of the DR, looking much as they had in Joyride. They hurriedly shut the doors behind them. There was a loud clanging sound as several lion shaped indentations appeared in the walls of the DR.

"Well, that went well," said Bobby.

He was tackled soon after for his insolence.

Later That Evening...

Hank had finally escaped the clutches of the crazy monkeys and was now sitting in his big chair by the fireplace in his room. He was wearing a robe and was reading poetry. The only thing missing was a pipe in his hand, but of course, tobacco causes cancer!

Suddenly there was a gust of wind and his windows blew open. There was a flutter of wings as something perched on the shelf above his fire. "Nevermore," squawked a voice.

Hank sat up with a shriek. "You won't kill me...!!!" he shouted as he ran off through the windows.

A very confused Mystique cocked her head. She was sitting up on his shelf. "Huh?"

On the Other Side of Bayville, Apocalypse's **Secret Closet Lair** (tm)...

Apocalypse laughed and laughed and laughed. "**_This was our best evil plan yet! Who would've thought, releasing those animals from the zoo would be the way to defeat the X-men! If only we'd thought of this before!!_** "

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" asked Mesmero.

"Pizza guy," said a voice.

"Ooh! Ooh! Pizza!" Mesmero opened the door.

Standing there was not Fred the Pizza-I'll-be-doing-this-forever guy. Instead, it was a very irate looking zookeeper. "You left this one," he said, pulling out a couple of crocodiles from his large pockets and throwing them at the two. He slammed the door and left, posthaste.

(Whoo, that was fun. Hope you enjoyed it. If you did, why not drop me a review?)


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